Saturday, January 4, 2014

101 Minus 87 Small Dick Jokes

Since nobody reads this blog, I feel at liberty to post some pretty grimy things. So in response to Drew Carey’s Dirty Jokes and Beer autobiography he published 17 years ago, in which he included 101 Big Dick Jokes, I composed a few of my own. Here they are in no particular order of weakness or goodness, and with a twist.
  1. My dick’s so small, Smurfette rolled over and cried.
  2. My dick’s so small, if you threw it off the Empire State Building and it landed on somebody’s head, it would make no difference.
  3. My dick’s so small, scientists at CERN discovered it after the Higgs boson.
  4. My dick’s so small, I became the Honorary President of the Venice Beach Crotch-Rocket Motorcycle Club.
  5. My dick’s so small, it drinks Michelob Ultra.
  6. My dick’s so small, a Swiss watchmaker once built a micrometer to measure it. When it didn’t work, his head exploded.
  7. My dick is known in the Hispanic Community as La Pequita.
  8. My dick’s so small, it could ride one of your sperm, side-saddle.
  9. My dick’s so small, when I play foosball, the little paddle-players have, like, huge dicks compared to mine.
  10. Since my dick can’t get any smaller, when I did the Polar Bear Plunge, the only thing that continued to shrink was the arctic icecaps.
  11. My dick’s so small, the crabs that would normally live in my pubes had to migrate elsewhere. Presumably to my ass crack.
  12. My dick’s so small, when it’s cold, my balls retreat up into my cochleae. Look up cochleae. They’re tiny.
  13. My dick’s so small, when I cum, quarks squirt out of it.
  14. My dick’s the reason the Where’s The Beef Lady died of exasperation.


    Apropos of nothing, I just thought of two actual Big Dick jokes. I would hope Drew and his friends would be proud.
My dick’s so big that that building in Dubai has an inferiority complex.

My dick’s so big, Sigmund Freud should’ve called it My Dick envy.

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