Wednesday, August 2, 2017

AS SEEN on TV: The MothShire!

Inspired by Bob Odenkirk's piece in the New Yorker, I was compelled recently to write this whilst looking at bugs flying in and out of my apartment with the sliding door opened just enough to let my asshole cats come and go as they please.

In Bob's voice:

You know how I keep bugs off my patio at night? Watch this: I do it the granola way.

Introducing the MothShire—the revolutionary way to get rid of pesky bugs in a humane fashion—that helps the environment!

The MothShire attracts bugs using 20-jiggawatt ultra-violet broad-spectrum, actinic and teleflouroscopic asstranium bulbs. And it attracts more than just moths: mosquitos, beetles, no-see-ums, you name it. Once inside the MothShire, the insects don’t burn to a crisp in a fiery crackle of 120 volts. They just hang out together, in there. For a while.

Set them free the next day. Oh they’ll come right back to your patio at night, but all the bugs will peacefully gravitate right back to the MothShire, repeating the cycle of life. Until they die.

ORDER NOW and get the BatHouse 9000 for FREE!

Once you’ve trapped the bugs in the MothShire, you simply turn the asstranium bulb off the next day, and wait until dusk. At sundown, set free these nettlesome pests… and sit back to watch as your BatHouse 9000* delivers these glorious and spooky webbed mammals doing aerial stunt after stunt—catching, murdering, and eating those bugs you trapped just last night.

*Two free bats included.

Call today and ORDER NOW!!!

1 (800) BAT-SHIT

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